A cancer mom's prayer
Give me strength, lots of strength...
Strength to keep walking back into that hospital
Strength to look into the eyes of every parent
of a newly diagnosed kid
Strength to force my baby to sit still, look at me, hold tightgo to sleep, stay awake, and feel pain
Give me tolerance...
Tolerance for the old lady who has to insert herself into my
precious carefree family time to tell me all about every
family member she has ever lost to cancer
Tolerance for every person who says
"you are still doing chemo? I thought she was in remission?"
Tolerance for the looks of sympathy and well meaning
platitudes and yes even avoidance
Give me gratitude...
Gratitude when I just feel like I can't say thank you again
Gratitude that things aren't worse, for the time I have and that I can still feel anything at all
Gratitude for the people who are kind enough to stick with us,who remember us, who get taken for granted
Give me patience...
Patience for the night nurse who doesn't seem to understand
that she's only 4 and insists on turning on the bright lights at 3am
Patience for myself, to come to grips when I'm ready
Patience with my child, to remember she's only a child,
patience with her demands for ramen, endless my little pony,
for crying inconsolably because her brother was going to hit
Give me balance...
Balance in parenting so my child doesn't come out of this
experience a spoiled monster
Balance in explaining what is happening so that I inform but
do not overwhelm
Balance with my family, to meet their needs, see them for who they are, and not constantly check them for weird lumps
Give me forgiveness
Forgiveness for every time I'm short with anyone but most
especially with my spouse
Forgiveness for the universe for this happening to us
Forgiveness for myself, that this isn't my fault,
for every time I feel like crying, for being a mess,
for hating the world, for wanting to scream and
for not doing all of those things when I probably should
Give me acceptance...
Acceptance that this is our life
Acceptance that we may not all survive this
Acceptance that fighting like hell is all we can do
Lord, give me strength